My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
