covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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