fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
