i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Fuck appropriateness.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
