...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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