why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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