A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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