We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
