my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
