You're so nebulous sometimes
Having a random hookup so left but love u
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
