Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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