I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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