She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
