and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
