do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
