He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
