Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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