I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
