I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
