just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
