Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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