After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
