she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
