I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
