shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
