ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
