Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
