the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
