Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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