I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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