Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
