Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
