i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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