Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
