I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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