so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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