My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
