it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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