Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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