Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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