Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
organizing the empties. That sober.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
