4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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