Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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