this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
