Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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