Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
