So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
