Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
