I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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