Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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