Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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