:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize