Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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