worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
