We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
