The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Moan for me like Helen Keller
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
