Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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