I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
