The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
