I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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