All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
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You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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