Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
