My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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