You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
