We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
