woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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