It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize