He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
