He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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