I feel great
I just peed on a car
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
