hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
