Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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