i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
organizing the empties. That sober.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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