It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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