Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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